Invader Gir
by DarkAngelSnapeLover
Summary: The Tallest has a new order for Zim and Gir. Will they finally succeed in taking over Earth? One-shot. Rated T for some minor language.


"Wake up, Gir! The Tallest has sent a direct order, and you are to listen too. GET UP!" Zim yelled, yanking Gir from the couch. Gir had gripped the cushion, however, and Zim's yanking threw a halfway-full bowl of popcorn right into his face. "Ah, it burns! Come, Gir, and stop licking my face."

"It's so good!" Gir grinned, taking one last lick before jumping from Zim's arms and making the journey himself.

Once downstairs, Gir saluted The Tallest as Zim nodded to them.

"I have brought Gir. You had an important mission, one filled with DOOM?!" Zim asked loudly.

"Um, no. You see, we've just discovered something-"

"When we decided to read your excessive reports from Earth-"

"They were excessive weren't they!"

"Look who we're talking to here."

Their bantering stopped, and they stared at Zim for a moment. Zim blinked a few times, unaware that the pause was to examine him.

"Yep," they muttered together.

"What have you discovered, Tallest?" Zim asked patiently.

"I like potatoes," Gir said from behind him. Zim gasped loudly as a giant splat of mashed potatoes landed on his face.

"WHERE DID YOU GET ALL OF THESE POTATOES?!" Zim screamed.

"Here we go again," The Tallest muttered between them. Zim had left the screen now, prompting the camera to zoom out to find him. On the left side of the room-Zim and Gir's right side-, a kiddie pool filled with mashed potatoes sat unattended. Zim, who was halfway covered with the spuds himself, was chasing Gir, who looked like a pile of mashed potatoes with two green eyes.

"This show has gone on long enough!" The Tallest yelled, stopping them mid-step. Zim cleared his throat.

"We apologize. Go on, your greatness, and tell me of the DOOM you wish us to cause!"

"There will be no doom," the purple-eyed Tallest scoffed. "We've reviewed your reports and discovered that humans love pets, so much so that they buy and sell the animals, or whatever they are, like we sell snack food."

"We want to open one, filled with Sir models."

"Sounds goofy," Gir said, bouncing around the room while saying "Mashed potatoes!" over and over.

"Sorry about him, my Tallest, but...why did you want him again?"

"You and him will be running the store-"

"Do we have to repeat everything?"

"I get that we will be opening a pet store, but...why refuse to offer Gir models? You'll hurt his feelings," Zim muttered. The Tallest exchanged glances before bursting into laughter, so much so that they fell down to the ground. "It's not that funny!" Zim exclaimed. He then eyed the bouncing Gir. "Okay, you're right. But why not offer Gir models. These pathetic humans could never handle a Sir model, and they certainly wouldn't love something so forceful. They'd never sell."

"And you're sure of this?" the red-eyed Tallest asked before getting back to his laughter.

"I've been here long enough to know what these pathetic creatures like and dislike. Gir models would be more suitable, and they would require no maintence. Humans hate doing extra things, even for their beloved pets," Zim replied.

Suddenly, Gir jumped onto Zim's head, causing him to begin back-pedaling around the room.

"GET OFF MY FACE! AHHH!" Zim yelled.

"But it's so delicious!" Gir responded, grinning widely as he took a lick from Zim's still-salty face.

"GET OFF!" Zim screamed, throwing Gir from his face. He landed directly onto the camera, and it adjusted to his presence.

"I like kitty cats. Can we sell them too?!" Gir exclaimed, jumping from the camera and doing a backflip.

"Whatever you need to do to sell the pets, we'll allow. We'll send the models. You do the rest, Zim."

"Yes, My Tallest," Zim bowed.

"YEAH! We get to sell pussy, Zim, all the pussies we can!" Gir cheered, bouncing around once more yelling "Pussy cats!" over and over.

Zim merely sighed, pushing Gir back upstairs so that he could await the delivery. He already knew the perfect place to sell his animals from, and he knew exactly where to get the other creatures from as well.

An evil cackling came from his lab, as did bright flashes.

"Oh no," Dib murmured, jumping from his spot on the roof and running into the kitchen. Gaz was there, playing Zitboy, The Game. "Gaz!" Dib called.

"I'm playing my game!" she spat, pressing buttons wildly.

"You won't believe what Zim is doing. He's-"

"Is he being quiet about it?" Gaz interrupted.

"Well, not really," Dib replied. He opened his mouth to respond further, but Gaz spoke before he could.

"I bet he's way quieter than you are. Now, I'm going to my room, with the last soda so that you don't take it again. I'm taking my game with me, and I'm going to beat it-without you bothering me!"

"But he's going to revive people's dead pets!" Dib exclaimed, trying to stop her.

"He could be reviving every dead thing from here to Timbuktu for all I care. Seriously, Dib, leave me alone and quit worrying about that weird kid!" Gaz said. She had managed to get to her room now, with her soda and game, and she slammed the door in Dib's face.

"You'll see one day! He'll do something so evil that even you gasp in awe!"

"Shut up, Dib!" Gaz called, throwing something at her door.

Dib sighed heavily before journeying back to the roof. Zim's evil laughter could still be heard, and the flashes of light were just as bright, though more frequent than before.

"I'll catch you, Zim. I will," Dib said, pulling out his video camera. He began recording the scene...with the lens cap still attached. He never even noticed.

"Welcome to Operation: Gir Invasion!" Zim exclaimed. He was alone in the storeroom of their new store. Barking and meowing came from the front room as Gir threw pet kibble into the cages, making it rain down on the pets. They eagerly accepted the food, as did Gir, who was eating it by the handful. "Gir, stop eating the pet food."

"But it's so corny!"

"I know, Gir," Zim said flatly, making his way to the counter. "Flip the sign, Gir."

"Yes, Master!" he said, his eyes turning as he flipped the sign.

The rush of people was overwhelming. As soon as Zim replaced another pet or Gir that was purchased, it was being bought again. He simply couldn't keep up with demand, and within minutes all of his inventory was gone.

"How did-?" Zim began, letting his question fall flat. "Gir, flip the sign," he whispered, beginning to pace the floor.

Gir slammed the door shut, causing a small child to run into it face-first. Gir flipped the sign, locked the door, and bounced around the empty store, lapping up any leftover kibble he could find.

"The Tallest is always correct in their endeavors, but they only sent seven models, barely enough to even fill one shelf…," Zim muttered as he paced. "I'VE GOT IT!" he screamed. "Gir, get the ship! I've got to get home!

"If The Tallest won't send enough inventory, then I'll make my own! MWAHAHA!" he chuckled. "It'll be easier than attaining the animals by using that special serum I made. Ha! HA HA!" he laughed, jumping into his ship and asking Gir to fly them home.

They crossed over Main Street just as Dib left his favorite video store. The ship was barely over the cars, yet no one was staring. In fact, no one noticed at all, except him.

"Can't you see that?!" Dib asked the nearest pedestrian.

"Nope," the man said, continuing to walk without looking up.

"YOU DIDN'T EVEN LOOK! COME ON, PEOPLE! WE'VE BEEN INVADED BUT NO ONE NOTICES!" Dib screamed.

"There's somethin' wrong with him, Mama," the little boy from the pet store said.

"Yes, dear. Be nice and don't stare," his mother said, pulling him along.

"Will he be okay, Mama?" the boy asked, watching as Dib ran out into the street, pointing at the ship that was still flying up the street towards home. A car grazed him, sending him into the next lane, where he caused a three-car accident with many more having to slam on their brakes to keep from adding to the number.

"It doesn't matter, son. Anyone who doesn't cross at the light deserves their fate. Come on, now," his mother replied.

An angry mob had formed behind the two as they ducked onto a side street. Dib was at the center of it all, and there was no one who could save him.

"What happened to you, son?" Dib's father asked. Dib's face looked like a well-used punching bag. He pulled a bag of frozen peas from the freezer and pressed them to his face.

"He thinks that Zim kid is an alien, and he ran out into traffic to tell everyone," Gaz said, her eyes fixed on her game. "A cop had to sneak him out of there in a trash bin. He still smells like garbage, and he still spouts it out of his mouth too."

"Why were you playing in traffic, Dib? I've told you since you were a child not to do such crazy things, yet you disobey me anyway. No television tonight, and no going up the roof either," his father scolded as Dib sank facedown onto the floor.

"But Zim was reviving dead animal. I have video proof!"

"No you don't," Gaz grinned, chuckling for a moment. "I needed the camera for a project, but your stupid tape was in there. I let my group partners watch it. You left the cap on. Idiot," she grinned, snorting with laughter before moving into the living room.

"You've gone too far, Dib," his father said. "If you do anything more like this, I'll be forced to send you away for school."

"But, but-Not Military School."

"Yes, son. Now, get off the floor and go wash up. It's Bloaty's Pizza Hog tonight!"

"Yes!" Gaz grinned, staring into her game as the final credits rolled.

As the family of three sat down around a large, extra Bloaty pizza, a commotion started on the street outside. Screaming came from a running mob, and it was obvious that they were being chased by something. Dib watched as the mob of people ended and the machines began, machines that looked just like Zim's pet, Gir.

"He's using his pet to take over the world," Dib muttered.

"Dad, he's spouting nonsense again," Gaz said, munching into a slice of pizza.

"Eat your food, Dib, and stop worrying about what's happening outside the window. And stop talking about that kid. I thought we agreed in the car not to mention his name again for a month."

"Yes, Dad," Dib sighed.

Suddenly, the door opened, and in came ten-plus Gir models, all of them screaming "PIZZA!" at the top of their voice. Within seconds, every slice had been devoured by the beasts...except the one Gaz was holding. She'd managed to fight them off, and while the swarm grew around her, she finished her slice.

"What did I tell you?" Dib whispered, watching as the Gir models invaded the kitchen, trying to find something edible to fill their voracious appetites. "Look, there's Zim!" Dib pointed. Outside on the sidewalk, the alien used his metallic spider-like legs to navigate the crowd of pizza-lovers who'd left the shop in search of a better dinner.

"Dib, I think I'll need to discipline you when we get home...and sign some paperwork," his father said darkly.

"Not-"

"Military School," Gaz finished, chuckling as she sipped her soda, which was also heavily protected from the voracious Girs.

"No! NOOOOOO!" Dib screamed.

"Silence," his father commanded, leading them to the parking lot.

Girs were all around them, playing from streetlights or jumping from car to car, doing flips and cartwheels while laughing loudly. The family didn't seem to notice, but Dib had. He even noticed Zim walk up the tallest building in town, his Gir flying to be beside him.

Zim's evil laughter filled the air as they drove home, surrounded by the little robots. One had even invaded the trunk and was thrashing violently. Gaz moved the seat to allow it into the cab of the car. After some bouncing around, it landed in Dib's lap.

"You've got a big head," it said, grinning loudly and sticking out its tongue.

"Aww, it likes you," Gaz snickered.

"I like waffles," the model said.

"We'll make you some when we get home, Gaz," their father replied.

"Alright," Gaz grinned. "Can we keep it, Dad?"

"Oh, the robot? Sure, why not," he smiled. "He's cute too."

"NOOOOOOOO!" Dib screamed.

Zim's evil laughter could still be heard as the family ventured inside.

"INVASION COMPLETE!" came the voices of thousands of Gir models. Dib opened his mouth to scream again, but he decided to give up. He didn't want to go to military school, and the Gir that had come home with them made them forget entirely about sending him there.

"Who wants more waffles?" their father asked. Dib grabbed a plate, settling beside Gaz and Gir as their meal continued.

**END**


End file.
